NEGATIVE AND DIFFICULT COMMUNICATION
Systemic history and language development
Language is words arranged syntactically in a structured, conventional manner accepted by the community through speech, writing or gesture to convey meaning through social interaction. Socialization is the process of learning and teaching the norms and ideas of society that can happen through different sources such as family, friends, school, media, and religion. It starts in childhood and lasts throughout life. So, our verbal and non-verbal communication today is the story of our life shaped by the language influenced by others in the past who may or may not have had any awareness of the impact they have on us, our community, or our environment.
Root Cause for reasoning difficulties in development
Beck thought that emotional reasoning came from negative thoughts that we could not control or stop. This was the foundation for “negative reasoning.”
From the very beginning, our language had been infused with emotional reasoning. Before we even learned formal logic or reason (if we ever did), our expressions were colored by our emotions. Here’s how it unfolded:
1. Innate Emotional Reasoning: As infants, we expressed our feelings without inhibition. Our cries, laughter, and facial expressions conveyed our emotional states. These raw, unfiltered emotions were our earliest form of communication.
2. Self-Expression and Impact: However, as we grew, we realized that sharing our feelings had consequences. Our words affected others, revealing our true selves. So, we learned to temper our emotional expression. Yet, even in this restraint, emotional reasoning persisted.
3. Education and Formal Logic: Later, we encountered formal education, including logic and reason. But our emotional foundation remained intact. Our language continued to be influenced by our feelings, shaping our interactions and perceptions.
4. Fear of Self-Exploration: Why do many of us hesitate to face our emotions head-on? Perhaps because acknowledging our feelings exposes vulnerabilities. We fear what we might discover about ourselves, the depths of our desires, fears, and insecurities.
5. The Impact on Communication: Our words carry emotional weight. When we say, “I’m fine,” but our tone suggests otherwise, emotional reasoning is at play. We may avoid discussing our feelings to maintain a facade, yet our language still reveals our inner world.
Upgrading the language and emotional process
The language we use today, which we acquire throughout our lives, along with emotional and behavioral responses and reasoning, is a powerful record of our interactions with others. Learning the rules and meanings of words, along with the feelings associated with them, that language likely reflects our early experiences and the influences of others surrounding us. Acknowledging this interplay allows us to navigate our emotions and connect with others more authentically and consciously. Without introspection and understanding, people often remain unaware of the impact of their own habitual language and behaviors. The systemic influence persists unless we disrupt the chain by gaining deeper insight into our own language through self-awareness. These words, laden with emotions and cultural context, shape our understanding of the world. When we learn words like “love,” “hate,” or “right,” we inherit not only their definitions but also the feelings and values associated with them. Our linguistic journey reflects the collective wisdom, biases, and experiences of those who have influenced us.
Emotional Attachments: Words like “hate,” “love,” “hungry,” and “good” are laden with emotions. When we say, “I love chocolate,” it’s not just about taste; it reflects our positive feelings toward it. These emotional attachments can shape our experiences. For instance, if we associate “Monday” with dread, it affects our mood at the start of the week.
Subjective Reality: Our language constructs our reality. The words we choose create mental models of the world. Consider the phrase “glass half full” versus “glass half empty.” The choice of words reflects our optimistic or pessimistic perspective .
Cultural Influence: Language reflects cultural norms, values, and beliefs. Different languages have unique ways of expressing concepts. For example, the Inuit people have multiple words for “snow,” reflecting its significance in their environment.
Limitations and Expansions: Language can limit our thinking. If we lack words for certain emotions or experiences, we may struggle to express them. Conversely, new words can expand our understanding. For instance, “mindfulness” emerged as a term to describe present-moment awareness.
Shared Understanding: Language allows us to share experiences. When we say, “I saw a beautiful sunset,” others can imagine it. However, nuances exist what’s “beautiful” to one person may differ from another’s perception.
Changing Perspectives: Conversations challenge our language. When someone questions our assumptions, it prompts reflection. Mindfulness practices encourage us to observe thoughts without judgment, helping us detach from emotional labels.Our language is both a product of our environment and a tool for shaping it. By being mindful of our words, we can cultivate greater awareness and empathy, fostering positive change in ourselves and the world.
COMMUNICATION COMPLEXITY
Understanding the Complexity of Communication
Communication is encoding in the brain a collection from memory of images, thoughts, and ideas into syntactically arranged symbols of words and language to convey a meaningful message via the brain using air from the lungs to create sound via the vocal folds through the oral cavity. The sound transmitted through the air via vibration moves from the mouth of one to the eardrum of another, from the outer ear to the inner ear where it is transformed into a neural impulse and transmitted via the neural pathway to the temporal lobe part of the brain. If the sound is heard accurately (dependent on clarity, noise, intensity, language, and hearing acuity), it is decoded and perceived with the use of memory by the brain of another to have a similar meaning as the intended communicator of the message. What could go wrong?A lot. That's the point of awareness and understanding. So if the transmission of a message is through a poor device like a poor cell phone or connection, bad things can happen. Add to that a problem with hearing and a noisy environment, and that circumstance could be worse.
COMMUNICATION focus
Attention and intention
ADHD, ADD, and HD: Attention Deficit and/or Hyperactive Disorders can cause difficulty with focus of attention. These disorders, along with the problem of distractibility, may involve physical cortical limitations.
Auditory language processing: To adequately process language information from a hearing perspective, one must have the physical capacity, intention, and motivation to receive auditory language and integrate that information into the brain. True physical limitations to receive auditory information can easily be confused with behavior, motivation, interest factors, emotional concerns or hearing loss to attend to the subject matter. Factors such as processing speed, language sophistication (vocabulary, syntax, morphology), and the desire to listen can all hinder the focus of attention to receive information. Activity level can be a factor of impulsivity that can be emotionally based, physically based, and/or chemically based. Attention can also be influenced by poor sleep or other factors like medication or drugs. Again, the point is that intention and attention can impact the processing of speaking and receiving information.
COMMUNICATION WORDS
Words matter
Words can be used incorrectly in multiple ways, which clarifies the importance of appropriate word use to avoid miscommunication and misunderstanding. The inappropriate use of words can be hazardous. The terms below can be found in the Stanford University paper or in Wikipedia.
- Malapropism: Malapropisms are words that sound alike but have different meanings often used unintentionally and can be humorous.
- Semantic errors: Semantic errors occur when words are used incorrectly or when the meaning of a word is misunderstood.
- Contextual errors: Contextual errors occur when words are used inappropriately in a given context.
- Syntactical errors: Syntactical errors occur when there is an error in the structure of a sentence, such as omission, addition, misinformation, or substitution of words or symbols.
- Morphology: Morphology is the study of how words are formed.
- Mispronunciation: Mispronunciation occurs when a word is pronounced incorrectly.
- Homonyms: Homonyms are words that have the same spelling or pronunciation but different meanings. They can be either homographs (words that have the same spelling but different meanings) or homophones (words that have the same pronunciation but different meanings).
- Eggcorns: Eggcorns are words or phrases that are used incorrectly, but in a way that still makes sense. example, “old-timers’ disease” instead of “Alzheimer’s disease”.
- Dysphemism: Dysphemism is the use of a derogatory or unpleasant term in place of a more neutral or positive one. For example, using the term “croak” instead of “die”.
- Neologism: A neologism is a newly coined word or phrase that has not yet been widely accepted into the language. For example, “selfie”.
- Jargon: Jargon is the specialized language used by a particular group or profession that outsiders to the language are not likely to understand.
The appropriate use of words and language is important to the reception and understanding of communication.
COMMUNICATION PROCESSING
Hearing matters
Auditory and language processing
Auditory and language processing
Everyone should be aware that a person with a hearing impairment is not likely to hear every word that does not imply an intellectual impairment. Hearing loss superimposes a processing delay as it takes time to assimilate and integrate incomplete, distorted sounds in words into an organized, appropriate, clear message. In a sentence where sounds can be distorted by nerve damage, too soft, or masked by the noise of the surrounding environment, a single clear word is sometimes all that is needed to clarify a message. Volume or loudness does not solve a distorted message. So, articulating sounds in words helps to clarify the message, while language accents can be a major barrier to communication.
Distractions and noise can complicate the listening circumstances for normal-hearing individuals while potentially creating an impossible listening situation for a hearing-impaired person. Amplifying a distorted message in a distorted listening environment increases the probability of miscommunication and misinformation. What helps is a clear channel and clearly articulated sounds without noise interference. Hearing aids do not normalize distorted hearing because the hearing aid amplifies instead of clarifying sounds. The device cannot undo nerve damage. A hearing aid is defined as stated, an “aid” to hearing
Auditory and language processing
Auditory and language processing
Auditory and language processing
People with normal hearing can have difficulty processing auditory information accurately, especially in complex listening environments (noise). Processing of auditory information requires accurate hearing, attention, motivation, memory, sophisticated language processing of words and language, and adequate processing speed.
Auditory processing disorder (APD) is a condition where the brain is not able to interpret and understand auditory signals at the same rate the person is speaking, which can be complicated by vocabulary, the sophistication of language, context, the familiarity of subject, interest, motivation, the manner of how the message is stated among other factors.
People with APD can hear, but they may have trouble understanding rapid sophisticated language. There isn’t a cure for APD, but treatment helps people manage the condition.
Language processing and speaking:
Language processing when speaking is a highly sophisticated system involving a lot of complex variables. Speaking and listening require language processing, and accurate word retrieval from memory while assimilating words syntactically and phonetically into an understandable, fluent, clear message that can easily be understood. Both speaking and processing of information require sufficient IQ or intelligence. The more complex the listening environment, the greater the propensity for confusion and misunderstanding.
Language and memory
Auditory and language processing
Language and memory
Once, attention is present and, information has successfully been processed and integrated into the language system or brain, then the ability to retain that information is influenced by factors such as physical limitations of long-term or short-term memory, interest factors, or motivation. Other factors like stress, anxiety, and emotions may influence the retention of information. As more information comes in, some of the older information that was retained may no longer be useful and may fade away and disappear. So, the retention of language information is dependent on its usefulness and relevance to our everyday lives much like learning and speaking a different language.
There are times when I have found it difficult to engage in complex language conversations when the lack of mindfulness on the part of the people, I am speaking to outweighs the cognitive effort. That's when people often leave a conversation. And, when it might be more important to remain for political reasons and for one's own welfare.
communication errors
Systemic influence
Common communication errors
Common communication errors
The process of learning to speak is generally instinctive for children. They tend to become proficient in their native language without much effort. However, the acquisition of language is also influenced by various factors such as universal grammar, cultural influences, personal history, and experiences. For instance, the theory of universal grammar suggests that all languages have the same basic grammatical structure, which means that while children aren’t genetically designed to understand English or Mandarin, they are genetically designed to understand the universal grammar that underlies all languages. Cultural and social influences also play a significant role in the actual languages we learn.
In conclusion, our developmental history plays a crucial role in shaping our language acquisition, development, and how we speak today.
In addition, language can be used to justify actions taken toward people. The United States has a long history of using coded language about places to justify policy and practice decisions that impact people. For example, the term “blight” transposed the language of disease onto places, with devastating consequences for people of color living within them.
In conclusion, systemic influences on our language are pervasive and can have significant impacts on individuals and communities.
Common communication errors
Common communication errors
Common communication errors
Here are some common cognitive distortions that can lead to negative thinking:
Polarization: Thinking things are black and white, with no middle ground.
Overgeneralization: Using isolated incidents to represent a pattern.
Personalization: Taking things personally or blaming oneself for things that are not one’s fault.
Negative Filtering: Focusing on the negative aspects of a situation and ignoring the positive ones.
Jumping to Conclusions: Making assumptions without sufficient evidence.
Maximizing/Minimizing: Exaggerating or downplaying the importance of something.
Blaming: Holding others responsible for one’s problems or feelings.
Emotional Reasoning: Using one’s emotions as the basis for one’s judgments.
Mind-reading: Assuming that you know what someone else is thinking or feeling without checking with them first. This can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
Interrupting: Cutting someone off before they have finished speaking. This can be seen as disrespectful and can prevent effective communication.
Ignoring Nonverbal Cues: Failing to pay attention to nonverbal cues such as facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language. This can lead to misunderstandings and missed opportunities for connection.
Using Jargon: Using technical language or jargon that others may not understand. This can lead to confusion and misunderstandings.
Not Listening Actively: Failing to listen actively to what someone is saying. This can lead to misunderstandings and missed opportunities for connection.
NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION
In some cases where hearing is not accessible, sign language, media captions, and a variety of software and hardware tools are available that can help people who are deaf or hard of hearing to communicate more effectively, including text messaging, email, and video conferencing.
NON-VERBAL MESSAGING
The 55/38/7 formula is a heuristic that describes the relative importance of verbal and nonverbal communication in conveying emotions and attitudes. According to this formula, 7% of communication is conveyed through words, 38% through vocal tone, and 55% through facial expression and body language. Therefore, it is true that nearly 40% of a person’s attitude is conveyed vocally through intonation, pitch, inflection, emphasis, and emotion. This is not a hard and fast rule as communication is not that simple. However, this does emphasize the impact of emotions on communication while body language can also provide insight into a person's emotional condition. For instance, facial expressions and body postures are some of the social signals that can be used to convey messages regarding internal states, emphasizing or contradicting the verbal speech, or even occurring in its absence. Facial expressions, more than any other nonverbal signals, ought to be the physical representations of our emotions.
Cultural and language barriers
Cultural Respect
Language differences, accents, mannerisms, nonverbal traditions, gestures, lifestyles, and cultural differences can impact the way we feel about others from different parts of the world, especially if those traditions seem unusual to us. It is important to respect those differences rather than judge them. To overcome these challenges, it is essential to understand the impact of language barriers, explore strategies to overcome them, and be mindful of cultural differences. Strategies for effective communication include utilizing trained interpreters or translators proficient in both languages, employing language translation tools, using plain language, avoiding jargon or technical terms, and breaking down complex information into simpler concepts to enhance comprehension. It is also important to understand cultural contexts and norms, which are closely intertwined with language, and to be aware of non-verbal cues, such as facial expressions, body language, and gestures, which are important for conveying meaning. Language barriers can have significant implications for individuals and communities, including limited access to information, miscommunication and misunderstandings, social isolation and exclusion, and reduced trust and confidence and satisfaction in interpersonal and professional relationships.
EMOTIONAL REASONING
Emotional reasoning
Click on the button below for details on negative reasoning and cognitive bias. Of the various factors that can interfere with rational communication and lead to misunderstandings, confusion, and poor decisions, emotional reasoning is the most significant cause of communication errors. Emotions can interfere with rational thinking and behavior, which can cause problems in personal and professional relationships.
Emotions can have a significant impact on human communication and can affect the way we express ourselves, perceive information, and interact with others. Emotion can create barriers to effective communication, such as anger, pride, depression, and anxiousness. These emotions can make us say things we don’t mean, interfere with listening, demotivate us, or distract us. However, emotions can also enhance communication if we are emotionally aware and understand the feelings of ourselves and others. Emotional awareness can help us notice the emotions of other people and how that affects their communication.
In conclusion, emotions play a crucial role in human communication, and it is essential to be aware of them to communicate effectively.
Emotional reasoning is a cognitive distortion that occurs when an individual relies solely on their emotions to interpret situations, make decisions, or draw conclusions, often without considering objective evidence. This can lead to irrational thinking and behavior, which can cause problems in personal and professional relationships.
Cognitive therapists have proposed many techniques for combating emotional reasoning. For instance, they recommend you ask yourself:
- What is the evidence for and against my belief?
- Am I confusing thoughts with feelings?
- Am I assuming that my emotions are accurate reflections of reality?
- Am I jumping to conclusions?
- Am I overgeneralizing?
- Am I taking things too personally?
- Am I using all-or-nothing thinking?
- Am I ignoring the positive aspects of the situation?
- Am I catastrophizing?
- Am I blaming myself for something that is not entirely my fault?
Refer to Reason under psychology.
Conclusion: Mindfully speaking and LISTENING
Summary
The words and language we choose reflect our personal development and cultural history, what we think and believe, as well as the influence of those around us that we project both verbally and nonverbally in our communication with others. That communication reveals a lot about us while conveying both our emotional, reasoning, and psychological states of mind. When communicating, our ability to receive a message accurately is dependent on many variables, especially considering noise interference in the background and our ability to hear clearly. Then the message that is being communicated can also be influenced by a number of variables. So, there is a lot that can go wrong if one does not have the attention and the intention to communicate in a positive, appropriate, and healthy manner that we can call "mindfully speaking" and listening. Refer to Positive communication